body

to those of you who are curious about my current MSN name ("U of T elf/ i've noticed a direct correlation between talking to my father and suicidal tendencies"), allow me to explain.
last night vit wanted me to write an application for visitation with anne in my own name. i have always been opposed to being involved in this legal dispute between him and my ex-step-mother, but to him it's a matter of family unity. so when i didn't want to get involved he got off on his usual "i'm all alone in the world" rant. however, this digressed into what a failure i am, how i'll never make anything of myself, how i'll never make it to Cambridge... i think it's that last one that got me most. Cambridge has been my dream for as long as i care to remember, and for him to just flat out say that i'll never achieve it... that really hurt.
and yes, for a moment, when he was saying those things, i really thought life was not worth living.