body

some days i really resent being financially dependent on my father.
i hate living with him. i hate everything about him.
i hate the fact that my being dependent on him is allowing him to slowly drag me into all of his illegal and immoral dealings.
i hate that whenever i have a good day and am very happy, i have to come "home," and he ruins it all for me.
i hate that whenever i'm in my room, if i hear him walking around, i feel threatened.
i hate that he won't let me leave.

to torture myself, i fantasize about what it would be like if i could move out, live on my own, or live with sean and sarah and rek. i loose myself in wonderful imaginings about doing homework and having dinner in peace. how pathetic that someone like me should lust for something as basic as that.