body

go here and read about claire and ziggy.
it brings up two themes that were always big for me.
one is old age. i don't mind aging. i can handle the body getting heavy and brittle and slow. i grew up with my grandparents. and though they were slow of body, they were clear minded and could take care of themselves.
what scares me is the mind getting slow and forgetting. what scares me is the body getting so bad that you can't take care of yourself. that you are aware but trapped in a body that doesn't work in the least. of that the body works, but the mind is gone.
it seems so helpless... and my mind is all i have. if other people know it or not, i live in my mind. i live in a workd of concrete thoughts and whispy ideas and feelings put to words and lines of logic. and to loose that... that's the only loss. people and things come into your life, and as such, as likley to leave. but you're born with your thoughts. however they evolve, you were born with them. and to loose that... no. i was born with them, and i want to die with them. and if i loose them, then i hope that those who love me have the mercy to kill me.

the other theme is love. how nice it is to love and be loved so much that, even when they are gone in everyway that counts, and only shine out at a few moments, that you still love so much.
i have recently decided to make john lennon and yoko ono my couple to admire. i don't knw why so many people dislike her. she made him happy. she looked at him and said "i don't give a fuck about the beatles! i am yoko ono! love me for me!" and he looked at her and said "ok."
they make me happy... i'm a psychic vamire. i'll admit it. though, really, i'm more of a psychic vampire bat. happy people ooze joyous energy. and, if there is excess, i will lap it up. because if i don't, and if i am producing no joy myself, then what have i? i could wallow in sadness and anger and hate... but i do that anyway. i need that little bit of love and joy that people in love just bleed. people in love with people and their work and themselves and the world. because there is so much love... and it's mine.