i never did mention what exactly struck me so much about that "eve" by rodin. that figure totally changed the way i see my body.
it's not "well, those who love me think i look good," it's that i frikin look good. the opinions of others have no relevance in comparison to the truth. she has my body, and she is beutiful. she is eve, mother of man. and i, in turn, am supreme mother goddess of the world.

ooh! ooh! yes! chris, that POD song hits home with me too. and what you said. in fact, let me quote you:

I'm always thinking that two people don't have to get along as long as they love each other.

that's just what i learned in the past few days. i went through the phase where i though "love isn't enough to make a relationship work, you need to understand eachother and communicate etc. etc. etc." but what i've seen is not, all you need is respect and love and the will to be tougether (i'm still insistant on respect). but certainly your lover need not be your best friend.
and hey, if only you and i think so, we're a minority, so we must be right.

i would now like to share various intimate details that no one needs to hear about.
my underware: there's this one pare of underpants. it used to be white, with annoying little stripe of lace in front. i didn't mind that. a bit girly, but whatever. i put it in the laundry to be washed. it is still white. except for the lace. it is grey.
this is the second time something like this has happened. i don't understand how vit can mess up something like washing underpants. but it is terribly annoying.
i also can't for the life of me find my black bra. this also annoys me. i mean, jesus, what sort of crazy adventures do bras go on that it hasn't come home yet?

my shower: you may be familiar with the sort of showerhead that is attached to a sort of short hose. the little doo-hickey that keeps the showerhead above one's head broke. this is a source of great stress for me.
in yugoslavia, they only have these sort of showerheads, only without the doo-hickey. every serb bathes in a way that makes me think of washing a dog in the yard. the only aspect of the trip i dread (as every year) is showering. i feel like i haven't gotten any the cleaner for my time and effort. i feel like a dog.
and usually i enjoy the last few showers i can have like a human being. but now i can't. i am sad...

my health: i have had a cold since maybe march or april. my nose has not been clear in all that time. it has reached a new lever or interesting snot. it is thick and green and always there. it's fascinating to look at... if it weren't snot.
now i'm just getting weird... bette quit while i'm ahead...

what is it with me and pessimistic realizations these days?
i week ago i had an epiphany concerning the value of life and why we mourn (it wasn't the happiest epiphany in history), and today i learned something about myself i'd rather not have. mostly because it means vit was right.

let me begin by saying that i agree with chris (and with garbage). i'm only happy when it rains. well, i used to be. i think i'm trying to get over that. because it does no one, especially not me, to feel that way. i'm starting to take less and less crap. i'm being more and more honest and open. of course, honesty doesn't always make things easy. does it simplify things to tell a guy "you inspired this poem?" no, not really. but if it's true...
oh hell, fuck everyone! if it's true it's true. not a damn thing anyone can do about it. you can wish it to be differant, but facts are facts. and how i feel is a fact, weather i or anyone else likes it or not.
i'm trying to be happy when it's sunny. anyone try and stop me in this endeavor shall be destroyed, like the gray life-obstacle they are. into dust.

vit was right when he so often said "i need a wife for the theatre and the bedroom."
do i need mental stimulation? no, that's why i have friends. do i need another friend? sure, i'd always like another, but i'd also like a lover.
i wrong about being wrong about josh. i didn't need any sork of "click." of course, i didn't know i didn't need it. but i don't really need to have that in a romantic relationship. i have too many best friends as it is (i have to refer to them by acronym: mmmjjsnia). i need someone whom i can go out with, spend time with friends with, have a few funny storeis with, and then go home with. someone to make me feel loved and make all my problems seem insignificant and small.

evan is too hang-out-withable. we spent four and a half hours tougether, and talked the whole time. and i may as well have been spending time with sean or sam or somehting, it was just casual talk, not a serious word to be herd. i feel more passionatley about adnan or max.
and i had this terrible moment, when i told myself "doesn't matter, he'll grow on you." :::shudders:::

i still hate bitching about my love life. almost makes me long for the days when i didn't have one. of course, as it is now, makes me long for how it was a month ago.
that by the way, was that i-don't-give-a-fuck-what-anyone-thinks honesty.

volunteering is great. well, today i was exausted. but the kids are wonderful. the little snob girl was cool today. and it's great to spend time with them. i can't wait for my friends to start procreating so i have little neices and nephews to play with and spoil rotten. ^_^

so yay, i'm not single anymore.
i'm just deeply perplexed by how that is possible. wasn't it less than a week ago i was pining for josh?
but last night i wanted to talk to evan, to make sure things would not be uncomfertable between us next year. and well, here we are. i'm seeing him tomorrow.

i'm nervous about my tickets. i really really really hope they can be for friday, so i can spend thursday with friends. every other day this week is so messed up.
and oh! i need to pack! i totally forgot about that...

i don't want to talk about what's making me mad.
let's talk about the good stuff!

i spend the day with irene and sara at the AGO. it was really great. i saw a lot of pieces that i relly loved. among them (all sculpture) "Eve" by Rodin, "A Man and a Woman" by Emmanuel Otto Hahn (and severl other pieces by him), and a whole bunch by Henry Moore, especially a Reclining Figure, "Locking Peice," and a certain totem-like piece that irene also loved to death.

i really liked the Moore works, because the three of us really stood around and talked about them and what they meant, and it made them REAL and MEANINGFUL.

great day, but i am absolutley exausted... and now i have to go to calculus..