Last night I was in the local Pizza Pizza with Joyce, waiting for our order. I was wearing my new and fabulous bullet belt (If you are unfamiliar with the bullet belt, it looks exactly like this one). A middle-aged guy came up and asked me if they were real bullets, to which I answered, "Yes, of course!" I was going to add something witty to that about collecting them out of the bodies of my enemies, but he vanished before I could.

A few moments later, I was coming back from the bathroom and I ran into the same guy again. He turned and said to me: "I thought Cupid worked with arrows."

Joyce insisted I put that on the Internet.

My weekend was fantastic. There was free opera, there was Indian food, there was a bullet belt, there was Funhaus. Please, ask me about it when you get the chance, I love to gush.

Once more, music has more than made up for the absence of a lover. Baby, you can touch me with your tainted love any time.