sorry luis, i wasn't able to answer your question today. however, i just had to say this:

the people at maclean's are crazy. on the other hand, they consider number of returning students when they evaluate these things.

The Novel 1984 as a Freudian Analysis of Communism

i had the coolest psychology of religions class today! not only did i get a B on my paper (which was 2 pages too short, i may add) but i also made a conclusion about something based on my own analysis (!!!).
see, we're reading freud, and old siggy is talking about how universal love must lead to repression of sexual instincts (because you certainly can't go out and fuck everyone, even though you "love" them) and it also leads to a universal hate of anything that is not within your "universe" (i.e. community).
what occurred to me is that this is exactly the way orwell interpreted communism in 1984! i was impressed that i had made that connection. ^_^

My Weekend

yesterday i found it more pressing to talk about my psychological state, so i didn't mention my weekend. i will do so now.
friday night was commencement, so i'm finally a high school graduate. go me! after this rek and i had our BIG DATE which adnan and greg tagged along on. i will never forgive you greg! no wait.... you paid me a dollar so i would forgive you.
saturday i spend a few hours a the library, then i went to the subway. since no one had managed to tell me that we'd be running late, i waited and waited and waited and i met james and talked to him.
i went to james's place for a while until everyone finally showed up. then we had FISH AND CHIPS (!!!).
we went back to mandy's and it was so great. ^_^ i love hanging out with you guys. our incessant and pointless conversations make me proud. (sean: the worm.)
then the ladies had a sleepover, and we had topless pillowfights all night long.
(a side note - when i was telling this story to rek, i mentioned the "topless pillowfights."
him: really?
me: no. but you can think about it.
he goes off into his own little world, humming and thinking about it. every once in a while he looks at my breasts, for reference.)
sunday i tried to work and failed. boo.

BISHMAAA!!!!

a long while ago, adnan and i went to see Bishma, a dance drama depicting the life of (who da thunk it) Bishma, worrier from the Mahabarata. it was ubercool! there were pyrotechnics!
it was an excellent production. they're gonna be doing this again next year (it's a four part series, over four years), and i'm making everyone come.
BISHMA IZ COOL!

i think i've concealed it well: the past three weeks of my life have been supreme hell.
everything went wrong at once, that is, the two things that matter most two me went wrong: my academic life, and my relationship with rek.

last night, talking to him about it, hearing the disappointment in his voice, it finally occurred to me what an ass i've been. i've been floundering around with the things dearest and most precious to me. i allowed doubt and fear to sneak into where they have no place.

i'm not depressed the way i once was... but, clearly, i still get periods of great unbalance. and that's bad.
life isn't a game, and life isn't long. there's no time for insecurities to torment you. you have to be brave, no matter how much you don't want to, and stand up, and draw your sword and fight that insecurity, because life is just too short to spend any time being afraid over nothing.

so i guess i'm feeling a lot more stable now... and hopefully i didn't manage to mess my life up too badly over the past three weeks. time to rebuild.


and a random side note: rammstein is recording!