body

i think i've concealed it well: the past three weeks of my life have been supreme hell.
everything went wrong at once, that is, the two things that matter most two me went wrong: my academic life, and my relationship with rek.

last night, talking to him about it, hearing the disappointment in his voice, it finally occurred to me what an ass i've been. i've been floundering around with the things dearest and most precious to me. i allowed doubt and fear to sneak into where they have no place.

i'm not depressed the way i once was... but, clearly, i still get periods of great unbalance. and that's bad.
life isn't a game, and life isn't long. there's no time for insecurities to torment you. you have to be brave, no matter how much you don't want to, and stand up, and draw your sword and fight that insecurity, because life is just too short to spend any time being afraid over nothing.

so i guess i'm feeling a lot more stable now... and hopefully i didn't manage to mess my life up too badly over the past three weeks. time to rebuild.


and a random side note: rammstein is recording!