The two new fish died today. I'm glad that fish have tiny brains, and so can't feel much, because I'm pretty sure they starved to death. When Sonja bought them, she didn't realize they didn't eat the same food as Ferdinand had. I got some "weekend food" from Miranda, but they never really seemed to go for it.
I suppose it's for the best - I never really loved them. I don't think I ever could love a fish that wasn't ugly. They were never really named, in my heart. I looked at them and had to remind myself they were named - but a name without love to seal is it meaningless. The only time I felt any love for them was when I scooped them in my hands this morning, to throw them out. Poor things.

To update, my dad made peace with me. When he got home yesterday I was uber nice to him. Later that evening, while I was studying, he came in my room and gave me a piece of cake.

Reading Week was, without a doubt, one of the best weeks of my life. We didn't do terribly much, but spending a whole week with Josh, going to bed together, waking up together, having our meals together, it made me see that, yes, this is what I want.

And then I came back to Toronto, and everything fell apart, as we all knew it would.
My dad had a hissy fit, because I hadn't bought him a gift. He said "You don't bring me good grades, you don't bring me gifts, what do you bring me? Maybe I should bring you nothing, too." Therefore, to show me what a terrible person I am, when I wrote on the grocery list that we needed honey and margarine, he didn't buy them. Also, when Sonja and I needed to use the washing machine to wash some jeans, he said that Sonja should put her jeans in the machine, and my jeans should go in the sink, to be washed by the runoff water.
I also realized that I am for sure allergic to Darian. When I finish writing this, I'm gonna call around and find an allergist to get tested. Either way, I had a terribly night, and couldn't sleep much. I felt sick all morning. This is the conversation my father and I had this morning:
Him: Are you feeling ok?
Me: No.
Him: Are you hungry?
Me: Mmm... a little.
Him: There's lots of cat food.
Me: Oh great.
Him: Well, it's all you deserve.
And now I'm dreading the moment he comes home, because I was supposed to run an errand for him, but because I was feeling sick I came home early and didn't do it. I'm sure that's another indicator of what an undisciplined, ungrateful child I am.

Also, about what he said, "You don't bring me good grades." I wish it were that simple. Life would be so much easier if every time I did badly in school I thought of it as failing him, rather than failing myself.

Archduke Ferdinand died while I was gone. Sonja bought me new fish. Because she's a reasonable human being, with the EQ of someone older than two.

Honestly, why do I bother ever having a nice time? I just end up coming home.