EMOTIONAL SUMMARY:
my summer vacation began well enough. began by building myself up like mad. i experianced the zenith of my self-esteem. i went along at this high level, until the day vit came to yugoslavija. it began to waver, until, when he decided to create some shit for me, and it plumeted.
i'm slightly back up now. i saw that, yes, my friends DO want me back. spent some time with addy, sean, and greg, and it was a blast! chillin is good. ^_^

so, yes, back in canada. had a long and boring trip. yay!

no no no no... don't do this vega... no, you are not getting depressed again...
i just had a pang of sadness. but it's not depression.
vit came the other day, and he's making shit for me already. i've been very stressed, and apparently when i get all juttery like this i do things to offend people and then they're mad and that makes me ever more stressed, and it just snowballs from there.
i keep thinking "this is the state i'm living in 11 months out of the year." and it's just that i haven't had any stress in a month, so this is hitting me hard.
but i was on MSN, and i just talked to josh and mehaik, and i got hit with this major feeling of sadness and hoplesness. i'm gonna be all alone for 3 days, only i'll be ALL ALONE. no one will come see me... and the one thing i've been wanting to avoid these past two months is lonliness... i don't want to feel it again, because it's then that things go bad.

when i got tougether with josh, i stopped getting depression and stopped feeling suicidal. and the reason was that i stopped feeling lonley, for the first time in my life. and i'm dreading what will happen if i feel it again.
but, for no reason - they didn't say anything to get me down - i got this hit of "i don't want to go home."

i have this feeling that i want to force myself to throwup, or start hypervenilating, so sleep, or have insomnia... i jesus, this is not good. i shouldn't have to much stress... i'm okay, i'll be okay. everything's okay.