Did you know I have a motto? I do. I acquired it several years ago on a trip to the Motherland. I had been spending a lot of time with my mom and her friend Misha. Like many adults, he found me to be an unusually mature, intelligent and enlightened child. Adults were always good that way: They were always better able to appreciate me than people my own age.

Misha was particularly impressed with my ability to speak my mind (even in my very weak Serbian) without regard for what other people might think of it. He told me “You really are a Free Vega.”

It is a very troublesome motto. It is not in the imperative – no one is asking you to Free Vega. And it certainly doesn’t mean that I am free-of-charge. It means “This Vega is a liberated Vega.”

I periodically rediscover my motto, and use it as my MSN name, or write it on some part of my body. It is especially likely to happen in the summer, when I become introspective.

It used to be that in the summer I would get a very acute need to run away, to walk and walk and never stop. I seem to have mostly grown out of this in the past few years. Maybe that’s because I’ve come to realize that the solution to my problems is not somewhere else, but inside of me.

So instead of running away, I spend my summer’s thinking: How can I become a more authentic Vega? A freer Vega?

Did you know I have a theme song, too? I do. And the goal of all my introspection is to make the words of that song as true as possible…

My Way – Frank Sinatra

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I’ll say it clear,
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.

I’ve lived a life that’s full.
I’ve traveled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I’ve had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Perhaps I was a bit harsh the other day. Perhaps it is I who sucks. Perhaps I just need to stop running head-first into situations that are clearly a bad idea.

Perhaps learning the lesson that "I can survive anything" wasn't such a boon: I am, after all, mortal.

Boys suck.
And since I can't switch teams, I should just quit playing the game.

(Yes, I know as well as you do that this is one of those resolutions that will last about 15 minutes.)

Less bitter post later.