body

maybe it's because i'm sick. having my immune system all worn out can't be helping my mood. but for the past two days, particularly, i've been feeling so down, and so lonely.
yesterday i was just lying on my bed, thinking of how wretched i felt, not knowing who to call. i got up and wrote in my journal. then i read over everything i've written since january, and i felt a lot better. that's when i compiled those new years resolutions.
now again, today. i've been feeling the sickness today. and all day, struggling to fight the instinct to just sleep, telling myself i'll just survive this one day, so i can see rek afterwards... it's ok, it's worth it to survive this because i'll see rek in the end... so when i got home an called, imagine how disappointed i was to find that julie is in town, and he's having dinner with her. i like the girl, but seems she always comes to town when i need him most.
and everything sucks. as much as i've improved, i'm still ill in the head. i still have to fight bouts of loneliness and doubt and insecurity and depression. i hate it.