body

people are never told enough how pretty they are. if you're reading this: i think you're pretty. and it's because if you're reading this, you love me, and your love is what makes you so beautiful.
that, plus your good looks.

so, what's new with me? i'm feeling excited about starting school. i have a lot of worries, too. i'm afraid that, despite the fact that i feel i know the material, i'll keep on freezing on tests. i'm afraid that i'll keep looking at numbers and just seeing numbers. but i'm excited because, as much as the math department tried to make me forget it, i love math, and i love calc, and all i need is a bit of confidence. i hope that during the summer term i'll regain my old ability to look at numbers and not see numbers, but to see a process, a step to take, a method, and a solution.

what else is new? i feel loved from all directions. i've noticed that i can't spend time with my friends without saying, at least once, "you guys totally rock," or "i love you." i guess i underestimated just how good my friends can make me feel, how genuinely happy they make me. then there's my dad, who has been completely amazing lately. i still can't get used to the change. last night when i got home, i was actually happy to see him and to talk about his day and my day. it's a really great feeling to come home and not be afraid of anything. and, of course, my beloved is amazing. we've been spending a lot of time together, and i was worried that i would get sick of him. but i was delightfully proven wrong. yesterday we got home and plopped on the couch and watched king of the hill and i felt very deeply happy to be there, to not worry about anything and just be enamored with skin.

as i said: love form all directions. and that, to me, sounds like an omen. why should all my relationship be going so well, all at the same time? the universe is telling me that it's time i fix the kinks inside of me. and, to make that endeavor easier, it has made all my relationships settle down and be healthier (i even talked to mehaik last night, for the first time in months). and i musn't be so foolish as to let this unique moment slip away. i am absolutely going to buy a violin on thursday. and after i get back home from doing some shopping, i'm gonna find me a sport to take up. i have two-and-a-half months ahead of me, and i have to use them. i have to find that aesthetic/spiritual thing that i'm currently missing.