body

There are some places in the world that have been plagued by war since time immortal. Places where, as far back as our archeology allows us to look, there have been human beings who were more than glad to kill one another over the ownership of a patch of land. These are regions where peace is merely the time between battles, not a natural state in its own right.
One such place is the region once known as Canaan. It's puzzling, being a desert and all, but people seem to adore this place. And be it Israelites and Philistines or Israelis and Palestinians (aren't those the same thing? ^_^), they will continue to kill each other. It's almost pointless to even pay attention to it. Yes, yes, it seems very callous to just dismiss people and their suffering and their deaths, but as I said, they will keep on fighting until the last days of this earth.
Another such place is my apartment.
The temporary pax of the past two months has ended. My father, who had previously taken pity on me and my newly found singledom - and my sensitiveness thereof - had taken a break from pestering me. But no more.
I'm sure the problem is mostly that he leaves for work later in the morning, meaning that he is around when I wake up. I maintain that I am actually a morning person, it's just that he knows how to push my buttons.
Yes Adnan, I know. He is just a parrot. I will try harder to not react.

I am feeling very meh. I had planned on going to a house warming party tonight, but Mubdhi was not in class today, so I couldn't ask him when or where to be. It sucks, because I had psyched myself up over this. You see, Mubdhi is very well connected, and I was feeling very excited about meeting all the sorts of people whom he might invite to such an affair. But it did not come to pass.

You know what I miss? I miss being able to be weak in front of someone. I miss the freedom to be able to cry, and not feel guilty about it, or like an imposition. I miss feeling like I have an equal in this world.
I feel like I am floating above a giant Where's Waldo picture. I looks through stacks and stacks of people and don't see myself reflected in any of them. And I panic, for I know someone must exist who is what I want, but where? And what if he is hiding in plain sight, where I will never find him?
The concept of starting a new relationship repulses and depresses me. I see nothing appealing about courtship, about long phone conversations, dates, gifts, and uncertainty. I just wish I could fast-forward through all of that, or at least try to ignore it. I just want to get to the good stuff.
Life moves far too slowly sometimes.

I've got some new poems on Mischief that I'd like to share: She cries, Edward, and Heat. Enjoy.