body

this week has been sucky. i think it all started when i got my calc midterm back. it was all downhill from there.
that mark gave me this sense of academic apathy. i have a problem set due today which i'm gonna try to do, but will probably not get done and result in (yet another) zero.

you need to understand, my sense of self is grounded, to a very large extent, on academia. university had not been good to me. when i start feeling like a failure academically, i start to feel like a failure in every aspect of life.
i'm confused and scared about a lot of things. i keep thinking about the bad things all the time. i feel like i can cry at the drop of a hat - it's winter again. inside, i mean.

i tell myself to focus on the good things. but i'm finding they are hard to identify. i miss feeling secure.