body

i know it's not a pleasant topic to discuss. but i have to get it out, put it out my body, so it can stop poisoning me.

that man with whom i live... he is becoming intolerable. well, he always has been. but the older i get, the less sense it makes. for one, he seems to be getting less and less mature. or maybe i am maturing, so he just seems less mature. but for another, the older i get, the closer freedom is, the more i can taste it... so the fact that i have to get up the next day and deal with him is interminable.

he comes home. he comes to me to complain about how wretched and lonely his life is, how he has been trying for ten years and has failed to make friends, get a wife, build a life, etc. etc. etc...
he comes into my room, my sanctuary, my lair. he farts, as if he doesn't know that his annoys me, that this causes the blood in my veins to boil and my nerves to twitch and my bones to grind themselves into a powder of concentrated rage. he proceeds to offend me, to comment on my weight. again.
my weight had become his new hobby, and commenting on it is approved because of the liberal and utterly moronic way in which he interprets the rules of his latest diet. the rule which says "don't deny yourself," meaning don't stop eating your favourite foods, just eat less of them, he takes to mean that if he has the urge to offend me IN MY LAIR, he has the right to.
as i had to do a day or two ago, i try to explain calmly, though, of course, that does not mean that the volume of my voice doesn't rise considerable. i explain that he can do whatever he likes with his own body, but not to comment on mine.
AND THE MOTHER FUCKER DOESN'T SHUT UP!!! i have to keep yelling louder and louder, over and over again "i don't want to hear your comments on my weight!" just to hear myself over him, and he still doesn't fucking shut up!
eventually, my face begins to burn, and my eyes tear up, AND I HAVE TO FLEE MY OWN ROOM TO GET AWAY FROM HIM!

how in the fuck does that make sense? my room. my place, my shrine to myself, where *I* decide where to put things, where *I* decide who enters, where *I* set the feeling and the energy. and *I* have to run away, to leave it to get peace? no. that is not right.

of The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth, from The Church of Satan web site, rules 3 and 4 clearly state:
3. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
rule 11 also states:
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
i believe the transgressions of said person merid total and utter annihilation. the question is how? how..?

i'm thinking... plotting, scheming... what to do... if, when i turn 18, i can move out, that would be wonderful. i'd slowly, over a few months cut communication down to the least possible minimum. but i need to start working as soon as possible...
if there is one advantage to me not going to yugo, i'll finish my volunteering and be able to get a job within a few weeks. then i can start saving. of course, said man will still have to support me, and he may not even like the idea. but i wouldn't mind surviving on bare minimal, to get away. anything to get away!

let me try to leave with something nice... ah! some VAST:

it's time to laugh, it's time to cry
it's time to be what you need to be
it won't be long till we are gone
and we can be what we want to be
i'm gonna run from everything
everything that holds me down
nothing to win, nothing to loose

you can't tell me what to do anymore
you can't tell me what to do anymore
now i'm free, now i'm free, now i'm free.