body

let's talk about kisses.

it occured to me that they're not just as act of affection, love or lust. they are a show of respect.
it occured to me that i don't really care how much people love or lust for me, that is is far more important that they respect me.

you don't kiss someone who is pining over a break up.
you don't kiss someone who wants someone else. even if they shouldn't want that someone else, event if that someone else is wrong for them.
you don't kiss someone who wants you if you don't want them.
you don't begin a kiss my announceing that it is an act of lust, and not even lust for the kissee in perticular.
because these things show a lack of respect. if you kiss someone, make it an act of respect.
"i respect you enough to offer myself to you only when you are ready to accept it."
"i respect you enough to offer myself to you only and only you."
"i respect you enough that my general lust does not matter, it is overshadowed by my love for you."

"i respect you enough to offer myself sincerly."

i don't think i need to say exactly what it is that inspired me to say this. what maters is how i feel.
stopping to think about it, i have begun to see what it is people have done and not done for me. what they have done and not done to earn my time. not my love, because i'd never dream of restricting it. not my affection, because i use affection - in small doses - to express love. mut my time. the people who i make better and who make me better with all the time we are tougether. the people who support me, who want the best for me, who respect me. the people who have tamed me.
irene and i have gone though periods of good and bad, and have continued, in all that time, to inspire eachother.
adnan forgave me for the host terrible of sins.
mehaik has loved and listened to me, and tried to advise me in the best direction whenever she could. and she let me do the same.
max has had a shirt soaked by my tears.
mitul has given herself to me, confided in me like few others.
janice, you're on slightly more difficult grounds. it's hard not to be biased right now. give me time. i like you.

josh has done nothing to show respect for me.
i always say that omens fome in threes. i've had two. i hope i don't get a third. i don't want him out of my life. but i'll be jsut as happy to have him a minimal part of my life if he doesn't straighten up.