body

oh my little baby boy...
i remember it. i know in my head it was years ago, but it feels like yesterday. it feels like an hour ago that i gave birth to you. you came out of me, and they held you up to me, and i smiled. i knew everything then, when i saw you. you little fragile thing, my little fragile thing, so new in the world.
a world of stone and cold that didn't deserve something as beutiful as you. i wonder if i did... but i musn't wonder that. i must believe that i am warm and soft, a place for you to fall, because you came to me. you were given to me by god. and if the Universe saw fit for me to be your mother, i can't say no.
i see you in my hands, your head in my lap, your hair in my fingers. i imagine you grown up, happy, with children of your own... you can't imagine how my heart breaks, with both sadness and joy. my little baby boy, grown up... because the older you get, the more you can take charge in the world, and make yourself happy. and yet, the more i can't preotect you from your torubles. the more i can't stand in front to you when a truck is approaching you... the more i have to watch it hit...
i wish i could hold you like this in my hands forever. the more i wish i could censor everything bad from you. the more i wish i could have faith in you and the world to make you happy.
but i can't. eventually i have to let you up.

but baby boy... come back, every once in a while. when it's hard for you to stand alone. come back to your mother, just for a little bit, so i can hold you and tell myself i am conforting you. tell myself that i am protecting you. and maybe, let me protect you.